Today, the human went to the meat store and got some smoked bones. Excellent. She also got some other stuff, including beef sticks. When she got home, she found that the beef sticks were gone and the plastic bag was shredded on the floor. So who does she blame? The dog, of course.

*burp*

Last night, the human and I went for a walk in a park at one of my favorite places. It was cold, but there were lots of things to sniff. We saw some things that looked like dogs and barked and howled almost like dogs. But they weren't. The human thought they were coyotes. They ran away from me, and I got the feeling they didn't want to play. It was sort of a relief when it was time to get in the car and go home.

This weekend, the human and I went up to a dog show in Crete. Grandma Breeder was there showing my gorgeous sister Lilly. She showed the human how to groom me. Then we went in the ring for Novice and got a ribbon. Lilly was in a different class, which she won, and then she got reserve winner's bitch. We decided to go home that night, and I got to have a small piece of Italian beef as a treat. It was GOOD.

It was a gorgeous day tonight, and we went to the wetlands. Lilly went to the show today, and this time she got Winner's Bitch and five championship points. Then another flat-coated retriever got Best in Show! The judge must have had superb taste.

We may get to see Grandma Breeder again soon, and I hope Lilly and I get to spend some time playing. It'd also be fun to see my mother and Uncle Irish. If they come up here, Bogart could liven things up even more.

When my human first got me Borat the bear, I was still a puppy and he was bigger than me. Now I can carry him around in my mouth.

This weekend, the human and I went to some dog shows in Springfield. Saturday, it was just me and another dog named Zia, who turned out to be my cousin! Zia won, but that was OK because her people were nice and they let us play afterwards. We went to the grandhumans house and I had to wear mens underwear with my tail sticking out the fly because I was in heat. Not exactly the fashion statement I'd been hoping for.

Sunday, there was another show, and the flatcoat lady was there along with my buddy Spirit, Danica, and Hitch. The judge was really nice and talked to me and my human about what we were supposed to do. Zia won again, but I beat Danica to get Reserve Winner's Bitch. Oh well, she beat me in June to take Reserve, so I guess that makes us even. Danica's pretty cool, except she gets really bossy when we're in her house.

On the way home, I got a few bites of cheeseburger, and then the human stopped by T.J. Maxx and got me some Calvin Klein briefs on clearance. Nothing comes between me and my Calvins ... at least not when I'm in season.

It looks like the heat thing is happening again. The human was going to take me to special dog camp on Saturday, but then she took a look at me on Friday and decided not to. We can't go to dog park or the wetlands because of my extra good smells. We also won't get to start this rally class next week.

Fortunately, my friends Bogart and Hiliute came over to play yesterday. Bogart sniffed my butt more than usual, but this heat thing wasn't that big a deal for them, so we just ran around and had fun.

The weather's getting colder again, just like it did last year when I was still little. The human and I did a little tracking the other night and I found the article. Go me! We're also going to start a new obedience class next week called "Rally," which sounds like fun. It's getting dark earlier, but I hope we can still go to dog park tonight.

Yesterday, I was in the Labor Day parade with mrscake. It was hot, but a lot of people paid attention to me and said that I was very pretty. The best part was the picnic. Not only was there shade, but there were also hot dogs! We sat down with some of the human's friends and she gave me a little of hers. It was GOOD. One of the other humans was just sitting there with a hot dog in her hand, only a few feet away from my nose. So I decided to help her give it to me. Unfortunately, right as I was liberating the hot dog, she said, "Aoife!" and they took it away from me. Whuff. A little later, though, someone was kind enough to drop almost an entire hot dog on the ground. Believe me, it didn't stay there long.

Monday, my LJ buddy doomsey came to town and I showed him my excellent retrieving skills. I now have some dead bird dummies that I really like, and I'm learning about doing doubles.

Tuesday, we went to retrieving class, and they had something different to throw for us. Real dead birds. I wasn't at all sure I wanted to put one in my mouth, and the human said she couldn't blame me. The live bird was a lot cooler, and I liked chasing it. But it cheated and ran under a car and then wouldn't come out.

The human tried another dead bird Wednesday morning, and I picked it up and carried it for a little while. I haven't quite made up my mind on this yet.

I've finally emerged as a dark dog candidate in the presidential race:

http://www1.inews3.com/index.php?first=Destiny&last=Aoife

Saturday morning, I found some baby bunnies in a nest, but the human wouldn't let me have them as pets. They smelled really interesting, and I gave them kisses. The problem is that for some reason, members of the rabbit community seem to distrust me. So they squeaked and tried to run away under the grass, and I used my paws to try to reach them. One of them may have gotten scratched, but I didn't mean to. That night, I got to play with my friend Hiliute, but we went to his house instead of him coming to ours. Too bad - I bet Hiliute would have been extremely interested in the baby rabbits too.

I kept wanting to go outside and play with them some more, but the human wouldn't let me. Even though they were in MY back yard. Then the human went out in the back yard by the nest Sunday morning and made me stay in the house, and then she drove off in the car with a couple of boxes. After she came home, I finally got to go in the back yard again, and I looked and looked for the baby bunnies but couldn't find them anywhere. One of them is apparently at this place called the "Wildlife Medical Clinic," but I don't think I'll get to go visit there.

A lot has happened in the last month. On July 13th, I turned a year old and some of my friends came over for a birthday party. We played in the pool, ran around the yard, and had treats.

Last week, the human went off to some place called "San Diego" and I went off to Special Dog Camp. There were lots of other dogs there to play with, and the lady in charge was pretty nice. mrscake finally came to get me on Saturday morning, and we went to Farmer's Market. That was fun, but when we got home, I was so tired that I slept for most of the day.

Luckily, my energy's coming back. We had obedience class on Sunday night, and then there's retrieving skills tomorrow night. Maybe we'll get to go to dog park tomorrow morning.

I decided to start my own excavation business. Here's the first ad:

http://chambana.craigslist.org/hss/751218970.html

The weekend before last, I went to my first dog show. It was OK, since people paid attention to me and I got to make friends with some other dog. It would have been even better if I'd gotten to play with more dogs. One of the judges said that I was a "quality dog." And I am, too.

The 4th of July was my buddy Spirit's birthday, and I got to be in a parade! Then we went to Bloomington to see some friends. The fireworks that night were interesting to look at, but loud. mrscake said that my birthday would be more low-key. Sunday, the human's parents came to visit and that was fun. I showed them my excellent water retrieves, and they were impressed.

A while ago, I rolled in something that the human really didn't like, so I had to have a bath. She also washed my collar twice. This would be the same human who has multiple bottles of perfume on top of her dresser. Go figure. Also, if the human had rolled in what I did, would the creepy guy at the video store have hit on her? I rest my case.

I'm supposed to be in some kind of show next week, which is likely to mean yet another bath. The silver lining is that there should at least be some good treats involved. Oh well.

Guess who is now officially a Canine Good Citizen? Me! And I passed everything tonight on the first try, with no corrections, and the evaluators said I did a good job. When we got home, there were some new toys too. At lunch, I did retrieves in the water, which is fun on hot days. As we were getting ready to leave, another car pulled up with some of our friends, and I got to play longer. This was a very good day.

Sunday, we drove up to Downers Grove so I could go to special dog camp and mrscake could see her relatives. The camp was OK, and I played with some other dogs there. Then the human's relatives said that it would be OK for me to come in so I could meet the family. Everyone was very nice, though some people seemed to like dogs more than others. I was pretty tired by that point, so I ended up taking a nap on the nice cool floor.

Tonight was the retriever group and I got to fetch some bumpers. But it was harder because I was supposed to sit still this time until they told me to go get it. We also got in a little trouble because I didn't come right away when the human called me. I was just taking a long cut, really. Anyhow, chasing after me a little is probably great cardio for mrscake and I'm a good helper dog.

After we got home, there was a very loud noise that went on and on, and I finally started howling back. It died down, but then it happened again. It's related to this thing called a "tornado warning," which is apparently an excuse not to take me on a walk.

Memorial Day weekend was pretty fun. On Saturday, we went swimming in Clinton Lake and Bogart came with us. mrscake was impressed by how well I could swim. We also went to Dog Park and I got to meet some more dogs. Monday night, the human came up with a real turkey of an idea - taking me canoeing. The boat stayed upright for about 10 minutes, and then we both got to go swimming again. Then when we got home, I had to have a bath. At least I slept well.

Some other dogs and their humans are getting together to practice retrieving skills. There's this guy named Duane who does most of the talking, and he's cool because he throws bumpers for me and makes noise. We're going to get to go in the water later, which I like, and maybe fetch dead birds, which I don't know much about. We saw some undead geese at a pond last week, and those made me a little uneasy.

We've also been trying tracking, which is apparently where the human hides a sock with some hot dog pieces on it, and I have to figure out where it is. Sometimes she drops little pieces of hot dog along the way, and I find them and eat them. I don't think that either of us really know what we're doing, but I guess that makes us even.

Saturday afternoon, I started really not feeling good and then I couldn't keep anything down and felt so tired. Sunday and Monday, food didn't seem appealing at all, and I slept a lot. I think we also went to the vet a couple of times for some tests and pills. Last night, I started to feel a little better and ate some rice and lean meat. This morning, I was so hungry that I tried to grab some chicken right out of the human's hand. She didn't seem to mind very much. I still have diarrhea, but it's not as bad as it was.

You know what would be cool? If the human kept trying to feed me really tasty food once I get well. But I have a feeling it'll be back to the dry dog food at that point.